I am a Mother

I'm sitting on my couch looking down at a sweet little bundle of baby-ness. I see fluffy blond hair and peaches and cream skin and a little button nose. It's my son, my very own. The love I feel for him is so powerful it makes me ache in a way that seems incredible.

It's high time I write my birth story down, or I know I'll never do it. So here goes!

When it became apparent that my body wasn't going to start the ball rolling on it's own any time soon, we had an induction scheduled for Monday April 26. Everything felt strange to me Sunday night when we went to bed. I cried. I just didn't know if I was ready for our lives to change so completely and was worried about something going wrong. Somehow we got to sleep, and bright and early Monday morning we called Labor and Delivery to see when they wanted us to come in. I was surprised when they said to come right in at 7:15. It all started to feel very real then! It wasn't how I expected to go to the hospital, in my mind I had always envisioned myself gasping with labor pains! Bodie gave me a very comforting blessing, and we headed in! My emotions were very strong, and I felt strange, almost outside of myself. We checked into our room, and I got started on the pitocin (sp?) at 8 am. Bodie and I watched episodes of Lost while we waited. My contractions started right away, and I was surprised at how painful they were already. At about 9 my doctor came in and broke my water, and the contractions got stronger. We did our Lamaze breathing and relaxing, which helped a little. Bodie was an absolute angel through everything. I was uncomfortable the way they wanted me to lay on my back slightly tilted on the side because I couldn't breathe very well and I was starting to hurt really bad. Bodie helped me arrange my pillows a dozen times and was so patient and loving, holding my hand and helping me. About 4 hours later when the contractions got more and more painful I decided to get my epidural, which was a lot less scary and painful than I'd imagined, which I was grateful for. I started to feel drowsy, so I slept a little off and on. At 5 pm my nurse checked me and I was at a 9 and 1/2! I was so happy, I had thought I might be in labor forever! After I was a 10 they made me wait for an hour for some purpose, can't remember what, and Bodie and I cried together and held each other. I've never seen him more tender for me, it was a beautiful memory I'll keep forever. At 6 it was time to start pushing! To my dismay, bending forward to push caused me horrible, piercing pain in my ribs. My torso is so short, the baby was still really high up there, and there was nothing I could do for the pain. The epidural obviously doesn't reach that high, and I had no choice but to endure. It was very difficult to do something that hurt so bad over and over and over again, leaning forward for 10 seconds and pushing felt like forever... I kept asking if I could do anything, lay differently, hold my legs differently, but the nurses were very unhelpful. I secretly think they didn't believe me that it hurt so badly! So for two very long hours I pushed and pushed and finally they called the doctor to come in from her home. I was more than ready to get my little baby out! So Dr. McCullogh rushed in, shoved her hands into her gloves, slipped into her protective gown and said, "Oh, we're ready!" With one push, his little head came out, with a second, the rest of him (which felt very strange! My epidural was wearing out by this point, I had stopped pushing it.) Exhausted, I leaned back and started sobbing. I could hear his hearty scream and that's all I needed to know that he was here and alive! The nurse gave him to me immediately, as I'd asked her to do ahead of time, and I cried and cried as I held his sweet warm body, and felt his little hands and feet and kissed his darling face. Oh how I loved him! His weight and warmth felt so...right...in my arms. The nurse took him to clean him and weigh him (8 lbs 10 ounces) and I layed there and got stitched up (I tore up and down), crying and shaking in my sweat, blood and tears. I couldn't believe it, he was really here. Though my body felt strangely empty and weak, I had accomplished my supreme purpose and given life. It was one of the most important and wonderful days I've ever known, a day that changed something powerful inside of me forever.