I am a Mother

I'm sitting on my couch looking down at a sweet little bundle of baby-ness. I see fluffy blond hair and peaches and cream skin and a little button nose. It's my son, my very own. The love I feel for him is so powerful it makes me ache in a way that seems incredible.

It's high time I write my birth story down, or I know I'll never do it. So here goes!

When it became apparent that my body wasn't going to start the ball rolling on it's own any time soon, we had an induction scheduled for Monday April 26. Everything felt strange to me Sunday night when we went to bed. I cried. I just didn't know if I was ready for our lives to change so completely and was worried about something going wrong. Somehow we got to sleep, and bright and early Monday morning we called Labor and Delivery to see when they wanted us to come in. I was surprised when they said to come right in at 7:15. It all started to feel very real then! It wasn't how I expected to go to the hospital, in my mind I had always envisioned myself gasping with labor pains! Bodie gave me a very comforting blessing, and we headed in! My emotions were very strong, and I felt strange, almost outside of myself. We checked into our room, and I got started on the pitocin (sp?) at 8 am. Bodie and I watched episodes of Lost while we waited. My contractions started right away, and I was surprised at how painful they were already. At about 9 my doctor came in and broke my water, and the contractions got stronger. We did our Lamaze breathing and relaxing, which helped a little. Bodie was an absolute angel through everything. I was uncomfortable the way they wanted me to lay on my back slightly tilted on the side because I couldn't breathe very well and I was starting to hurt really bad. Bodie helped me arrange my pillows a dozen times and was so patient and loving, holding my hand and helping me. About 4 hours later when the contractions got more and more painful I decided to get my epidural, which was a lot less scary and painful than I'd imagined, which I was grateful for. I started to feel drowsy, so I slept a little off and on. At 5 pm my nurse checked me and I was at a 9 and 1/2! I was so happy, I had thought I might be in labor forever! After I was a 10 they made me wait for an hour for some purpose, can't remember what, and Bodie and I cried together and held each other. I've never seen him more tender for me, it was a beautiful memory I'll keep forever. At 6 it was time to start pushing! To my dismay, bending forward to push caused me horrible, piercing pain in my ribs. My torso is so short, the baby was still really high up there, and there was nothing I could do for the pain. The epidural obviously doesn't reach that high, and I had no choice but to endure. It was very difficult to do something that hurt so bad over and over and over again, leaning forward for 10 seconds and pushing felt like forever... I kept asking if I could do anything, lay differently, hold my legs differently, but the nurses were very unhelpful. I secretly think they didn't believe me that it hurt so badly! So for two very long hours I pushed and pushed and finally they called the doctor to come in from her home. I was more than ready to get my little baby out! So Dr. McCullogh rushed in, shoved her hands into her gloves, slipped into her protective gown and said, "Oh, we're ready!" With one push, his little head came out, with a second, the rest of him (which felt very strange! My epidural was wearing out by this point, I had stopped pushing it.) Exhausted, I leaned back and started sobbing. I could hear his hearty scream and that's all I needed to know that he was here and alive! The nurse gave him to me immediately, as I'd asked her to do ahead of time, and I cried and cried as I held his sweet warm body, and felt his little hands and feet and kissed his darling face. Oh how I loved him! His weight and warmth felt so...right...in my arms. The nurse took him to clean him and weigh him (8 lbs 10 ounces) and I layed there and got stitched up (I tore up and down), crying and shaking in my sweat, blood and tears. I couldn't believe it, he was really here. Though my body felt strangely empty and weak, I had accomplished my supreme purpose and given life. It was one of the most important and wonderful days I've ever known, a day that changed something powerful inside of me forever.

Getting really close now...

Time is running out! Or is it... I'm 5 days from my due date but I'm STILL not dilating! I'm stuck at a big fat zero. Cervix is shut tight as a clam! However, on the bright side, I am 70% effaced. So that's progress, right? So I guess the deal is, if I've not birthed the little fella before my appointment next week, my doctor will set up an induction date for 41 weeks. That's not exactly what I've had planned, but as long as he gets here someday, somehow, I'll be happy!

I was thinking today of what I'll miss about being pregnant. There aren't very many things, but I do think I'll miss feeling my little baby move inside me. He's running out of room, so he's not doing gymnastic feats like he used to, but he nudges around in there and tries to stretch himself out. I'll miss his hiccups, too. Almost every morning around 7 am after I've gone to the bathroom (I pretty much have a peeing schedule now) and crawled back into bed with Bodie, he gets the hiccups.

While we're waiting for the little guy, we've been busy tying up loose ends with Bodie's home business. We had two last photoshop classes that Bodie taught at our home that we got over with. And we've had three last photo shoots with couples and won't be doing any more until May. It's nice to feel like things are winding down.

We've also been having a lot of fun just "having fun". We put aside some money specifically for now so we could just hang out together and have lots of dates before the baby. We've been eating out several nights a week, going to movies, going shopping, etc. So much fun! We took a trip to Salt Lake with our best friends the Quilters and stayed the night in a hotel and played and went to Tucanos...yummmm.... We went to Baby Animal days at the Jensen Historical farm and loved all the little animals.

Just fun things like that to make memories and enjoy being alone for the last few weeks...

days...

hours...

how long before my little boy decides to make his big entrance??? :)

Request for childbirth stories! :)

So I am 30 weeks along now! I'm big, heart-burny, hormone ridden, and happy. :) I can't believe everything has gone along so smoothly, and that in 10 (give or take) weeks I'm going to be going into labor and joining all of you other mommies out there in that grand adventure called childbirth! Being one of those control freak people who like to know what to expect, I've been reading all the books and taking all the classes at the hospital and picking the brains of all the girls in my ward trying to get details of what their labor was like, what their first week home was like, what their experience breastfeeding was like, etc.

And now I apply to all of you, who might still look at my blog occasionally, even though my blogs are pitiful and sporadic at best, to indulge me in my quest for knowledge and spill your best or worst birth stories and advice! Where were you when you went into labor? Did you have false alarms? Were you excited or scared? How long was your labor? Did you get an epidural? Was there anything special you brought to the hospital that helped you in some way? What was your husband's reactions to everything? What did it feel like to finally see your little baby? Was breastfeeding easy or hard for you?

Any advice is welcome!!!

What I Know About Barfing

Warning! This blog post is about barfing. If reading about barfing makes you barf, then you better not read it. :)

It has certainly been a long time since my last post; albeit, I have an excellent excuse: my body has been taken over by an alien life form that is sucking not only my physical juices but sapping my mental capacities as well. Ok, ok, so I'm just having a baby, but it's been tough. And it's not really how I thought it would be. I guess I thought I'd be glowing more, or smiling more or something. Maybe that part comes later? I'm only 17 weeks, so maybe I'll get to that part eventually. So what was I expecting? Here's what I thought "morning sickness" was going to be like: you wake up feeling queasy, you munch delicately on some saltine crackers till 11 am and then by lunch time you feel back to normal. Lies! All of it! Here's the truth, at least according to me: you wake up feeling like you want to die. You try every possible morning ritual known to man: eating in bed, eating first thing, waiting an hour and then eating, eating only applesauce, eating a full meal, drinking only orange juice, eating tiny bites with sips in between. You still throw it up. Then you try really hard to convince yourself that you should take a shower. You tell yourself that you're becoming the stinky kid in class and people don't sit by you on the bus anymore. You tell yourself it's been three days, and that it's really getting out of control. You end up deciding just to wipe down with a damp washcloth and put on pretty smelling lotion instead and hope it masks the odor. You then force yourself to put a bra on--it's torturous, but necessary--and squeeze into your jeans. You drive to the school bus stop with the window down trying to breath deeply and not barf in the car. You get on the bus and pray in three different languages that you will not barf on a fellow student. You have a close call, but finally escape. You sit through class with your mouth clamped shut and dive out the door when the teacher stops yakking. You make it to the bathroom. Is it a false alarm? Sometimes. You endure the bus again. You make it home. You barf. You immediately take off your bra. You crawl into bed and cry a little and feel sorry for yourself. You eat a little more applesauce. You barf again. You want to die. Somehow you live through the day till your husband comes home and it gets worse. For some reason you've developed an allergic reaction to him. He wants to hug you and your nausea doubles. It's a sad sad time for both of you. He has to make his own dinner and you try to eat some soup. You lay on the couch watching some animal show on pbs until bedtime and usually barf one last time. You can't cuddle in bed so you just hold hands and talk and wonder if tomorrow will be the same as today. You have this day every day for almost 11 weeks, then it starts to get a little better. You only throw up every now and then. You don't throw up in public anymore. You actually can eat!!! See how much fun it is to have morning sickness?

Here are some fun public bathrooms and other places I've thrown up. Some may ask, "Why on earth would you mortify yourself by barfing in public?" to which I cannot respond without mortally offending said person. If there was any possible way of avoiding it, don't you think I would have?

*Mother in law's rose bushes

*Salt Lake City airport bathroom

*San Diego airport bathroom

*Hertz car rental bathroom

*Various Disneyland bathrooms

*The pine trees by the bus stop

*Various restaurant bathrooms

*On the field outside the Spectrum on campus

So I have this elastic hair band around my wrist that has virtually become a permanent part of me because I realized that long hair and barfing are a bad combination. I'm still keeping it on at all times just in case, and I figure that if I can go a whole week without throwing up I can graduate and take it off. That will be a grand day.

I'm excited!

I have always wanted to learn another language. My language of choice? French. :) My mom learned French when she went on a mission to Quebec, and I loved to hear her speak it when I was little. We had two French foreign exchange students two summers in a row, Phillipe and Karine, and my mom would engage in lightning fast conversation with them while I stared in wide-eyed admiration. Also, if anyone in the ward or neighborhood had someone visiting them who spoke French, they'd send them over to our house and mom would sit them in the living room and they would jabber and laugh. And once, when mom was our ward chorister, she taught the whole congregation to sing a Christmas carol in French as part of the meeting. I remember when she made cakes she would sometimes count in French when she broke the eggshells "Un, deux, trois..." It was a part of her life that made her special and I always told myself I would learn French someday so I could read her missionary journals, letters, and books in French she left behind. I took one quarter of French when I was 13, but I was never able to fit more into my schedule in school as I was trying to take as many college classes as possible, and now that I'm in college it's hard to fork out the dough on classes that don't pertain to my major...

Then yesterday Bodie surprised me by telling me that he wanted to use the bonus he'd gotten from work to buy me the Rosetta Stone software I've been drooling over for months. He told me he wants me to have something I can feel proud of, knowing I have had a goal and can now fulfill it. I have a very selfless husband!

I'm so excited to finally be able to do this! It will come in the mail on Tuesday and I'm reaallllly excited. :D

Jessie's Wedding

Bodie sadly passes his "I'm the tallest in the family" trophy to Jason :)

Phew! Jessie's wedding is all done! While she is soaking up sunshine on her honeymoon, I am snuggling into the covers of my bed recovering, exhaustedly happy that nothing went wrong!

I'll admit, grudgingly, that there were a few mishaps: I was late to the reception, and Bodie forgot to make the dvd slideshow like we'd promised, and I forgot the words to one of the songs I sang, and, my personal favorite, I got hives on my neck that looked like hickies. Real classy! Everyone else behaved beautifully of course. Jess looked rapturous, Jason's smile dazzled all, and nobody embarrassed themselves as far as I've heard, besides me. ;) Thanks to all my extended family members for coming and giving us your support!

It was so special to be with my entire family in the temple, and to feel close to my mom. After all, a wedding is a family affair, and we kept her chair empty. Jessie's wedding was so sweet, and I cried and cried. And cried. And cried some more. It's been a rather wet weekend. I miss my mom. That's what it boils down to.

After Jess and Jason took off, Bode and I were able to just hang out with my brothers and their families and that was really fun. My nephew Dane said my name once finally, and Portia, my niece, let me hold her and sing her songs before she went to bed. So I felt all Aunt-ishly fulfilled.

So that's a snippet of our wedding extravaganza!

Colorado Adventure!

Bodie and I had so much fun on our road trip to Denver, Colorado this weekend!  We spent 4 days with our awesome and hilarious friends the Quilters.  I have compiled a list of my favorite "things" (for lack of a collectively more expressive word) of the expedition:

*"I'm just being honest!"

*The time I was laughing and snorted REALLY loud in the car when we pulled into Denver.  I guess Wade saying "Lane-ing to the Left-age" was a lot funnier at 4:30 in the morning...

*The surprise I found in the shower at Elitch Gardens

*Brittney and Wade getting locked out of their hotel room and Wade's sweet breaking-in-with-a-credit-card-skills

*Bodie's discourse on Lemons and Melons

*The size of the pool towels

*Bodie saying, "Can we pleeease ride Ghost Blasters one more time??"

*The Mysterious Stomach Pain

*When Brittney's sneaky plan to get Wade wet backfired on her and she got thoroughly soaked

*Wade trying to do handstands on the hotel bed

*Getting piggy back rides at the zoo

*The fact that Brittney and I have blaring obvious talent as synchronized swimmers

*When everywhere we wanted to go eat had been closed for 7 years

*Wade's expertise on flooding when we got hailed-rained-lightninged-on in Fort Collins

*Singing Disney songs in the car

*Bodie's amazingly large strawberry lemonade glass

*"Whoever says it loudest means it the most!"

Thanks you guys for a really fun weekend!  :)